Astrid and Thor Prequel

A remote place in the universe

I live in a remote place in the universe where passers by fly away like balloons. It can happen at any time of the day. In our part of the universe the laws of physics can be subjected to sudden changes, but no one knows why. Because of this phenomenon −which is not really a phenomenon but rather the lack of a constant: the law of gravity− flying balloons are a sad reality.

Sometimes these hiccups of the laws of physics can be useful, like when a window cleaner, who had fallen from the twentieth floor where he was balancing precariously attached to a wire, instead of spiraling down onto the asphalt found himself on the terrace of the twenty-fifth floor: instead of coming down he had come up. The window cleaner had time to climb on the terrace before gravity returned to work in the usual manner.

Later on I will explain better how this remote place in the universe between the Milky Way and the Coffee Way works, but first I want to introduce my personal robot. His name is Thor. I didn’t choose his name, he did. He made a quick calculation with its hundred billion of electronic neurons and picked a name that appeared on the screen behind his eyelids. Not that I knew who Thor was, I mean the real Thor, but Thor the computer, explained it to me.

When I saw him I liked him straight away. For us, the inhabitants of this remote place in the universe, (Adupsnu for future reference) buying a new robot is a very exciting experience. It’s like buying a house or getting married. The robot will spend every moment of his day with you. It will make you laugh, tell you what to eat, and explain anything you ask him.

When I bought Thor, he was a common laptop-shaped robot, nor more nor less, like the ones you see around in cafes and restaurants in the city. You use it like an old laptop of the 21st century. You can take it with you anywhere. It will follow you silently. When it is closed it goes to sleep, and later, if you want, it tells you its dreams. Mine dreams to be Thor, of course, and to sail on a vessel in the North Sea. He dreams of being tanned, I do not know why, but that’s what he always says to me. Maybe it’s because he is so gray. If I had enough money I would have him covered in gold.

The other day I saw a woman in a sports car with a robot all made of gold. They were at the traffic light and the sun was lighting up its face: it was really beautiful. Thor pretended not to see it but I know that he was watching. Robots have no irrational feelings like jealousy, but they suffer from huff. If you ask a stupid question that they have already explained three times, they won’t talk to you for hours, sometimes even for a whole day. It seems that their brains, when they use the same identical circuit for more than three times, goes on tilt. I believe this is a security measure created during the artificial intelligence evolution.

Another robotic feeling, if one can call it like this, robots are often afflicted by is boredom. Thor doesn’t suffer a lot from it because I am a very lively person and I ask a lot of questions, and they are not stupid questions. Thor finds me funny and he has told me so many times. It must be really boring sharing your day with a disengaged partner.

'Can you imagine' I said one day to him 'if I were one of those superhuman who only ask their electronic companion what to eat and what chance they have to pull on Thursday nights?'

'I could never bear it.' Said Thor with his Norwegian accent. I do not know if it is really a Norwegian accent, that’s what he told me. Thor has visited planet Earth, actually he comes from there. It was the Interplanetary Recycling System to bring him here. On earth they have a lot of junk, not that Thor is rubbish, not at all; he is the best artificial intelligence I've ever had, he doesn’t even look fake.

Thor answers all my questions, from, ‘what do I eat tonight?’ to, ‘Shall I convert to the Kabala or go to tango lessons?’ What I like the most is asking him unpredictable questions that have no logical connection between them. But even in those cases he always gives me an answer. Here's an example of a double question: 'How far is our planet from the Earth and how many calories are there in a filled chocolate zucchini?' After a few seconds the answer appears on the screen accompanied by the unmistakable voice of Thor, the electronic companion you can ask anything to.

Sometimes I organize dinner parties for my friends and their personal robots and we have competitions to see who gives the best answers. First we prepare the most bizarre questions, and then for each response of our electronic friends we give a score from 1 to 10. Thor always wins. His answers are full of humour, that’s how they call it on Earth. We call it answers Ah, Ah!

Once I asked Thor if he would like to have an artificial intelligence to keep him company while I was away or asleep at night. He told me that he didn’t, and that artificial intelligences do not speak to each other because they already know everything, and it's really boring. He loves our stupid questions, as long as we don’t repeat them more than three times.

I wouldn’t know how to cope without Thor. He drives me to work so I can sleep a bit longer. My job is very stressful. I have to choose, on the screen, among hundreds of shrimp, the pinkest ones. The others get thrown away. I do not know who eats all these shrimps. We don’t like them on our planet. We are all vegetarians.

Our planet is almost perfect if it weren’t for the passers-by who fly away like balloons. Here no one ever has to make decisions, for this we have our artificial intelligence.

The other night at the restaurant I heard a lady ask his robot where to go on vacation and why. The robot answered immediately. According to his calculations, based on a large amount of data spanning the lady’s lifetime, the ideal vacation was a place on the ocean floor. I didn’t hear the second answer because the robot-waiter had come with my dinner.

Thor made a quick calculation of calories, vitamins, minerals, weight, height, body mass, weekly working hours, physical activity and ordered a black cabbage with tofu and quinoa. I couldn’t have chosen anything better myself.

As I said, there are various types of robots: simple laptops that you can carry in your bag and open when you get to a café or restaurant. You can talk to them or you can read the paper, which appears on their screen, or if you prefer it they can read it to you.

Those super humans who have trouble walking attach special limbs to their robots to help them walking or to be transported. All they have to do is to pool the extractible seat, sit on it and off they go.

Thor really likes the idea of ​​being able to walk and I promised that as soon as I count a billion shrimp I’ll ask for an increase and I’ll buy him a new pair of limbs.

Young women who go around with their artificial intelligence fitted with prosthetic limbs are not seen in a positive light. It is considered a form of laziness and some people say that we steal space from those who truly need it. I am very frightened to fly away in the air like a balloon but I know that if it happens while I am with Thor he will save me.

Thor is my greatest friend. He reads me my favorite books. He translates simultaneously in 100 languages. If I have headache he gives me an MRI scan in 30 seconds. If I am tired he touches my wrist and establishes what vitamin or mineral I am deficient in, and then with the 3D printer prints the remedy.

I've become too dependent on Thor and I cannot tear myself away from him, not even for a minute. I have tried to turn it off but he begs me not to do it because he suffers from insomnia and he doesn’t dreams when he is turned off. One evening I left him at home and I went out on my own, but I ended up in a bar and spent the evening talking to an I.A. someone had forgotten there.

My dream is to wake up one day and find Thor in the flesh, but I know it would not work: a robot knows his limits and talks only if you ask him something. I hope that Thor will never break because if he does I would have to accompany him on planet Earth to have him repaired. In our world we no longer have these old models with answers Ah! Ah!